Mum: How are you naw, howz work and how are your exams coming along?
Me: Fine oh, thank God!
Mum: Your birthday is on Thursday oh
Me: Oh jeez, thank you for reminding me. This is proof that you did not thief me from the hospital
Mum: Hmmm....you are getting old oh!
Me: Yes I know. Me sef, I am feeling old for the 1st time
Mum: And me sef I am feeling older. Pls hurry up abeg, I cannot wait
Me: Mummy take it easy naw. Afterall there are people who dont get married till they are 30yrs
Mum: God forbid! See what you are saying with your own mouth. Don't you know that words are very powerful. I cancel it in Jesus name!
Mum: Please hurry up abeg, time is going..
Me: Yes ma. But I have to see the husband 1st naw
Mum: Are you looking for husband.
Me: Ehen naw, seriously sef.
Mum: Please dont look too hard abeg. Just select one. You are not in heaven.
Me: What has heaven got to do with this talk?
Mum: You are not in heaven so stop looking for a perfect man. It is only in heaven that you'll see angels
Me: Laughing uncontrollably
Mum: It is not a laughing matter oh!
Me: Ok mummy, no wahala. I will try not to look too hard
Mum: Ok naw. Take care
Mehn, how time flies. I cannot believe I just had the above conversation with my mother. This is the same woman that would not allow boys visit me at home when I was growing up. Even girls sef. If you so much as rubbed vaseline on your lips, she would pronounce you a "bad influence".
I remember once when "Hipstars" was reigning. My father bought hipstars for me and coincidentally, one mumu boy came to my house the next day to look for me. For no reason. After that, my mother was so furious, she decided it was because of the hipstars that's why boys were now beginning to have interest in me. Na so she ban me from wearing trousers. No joke. I was about 14yrs. I didnt wear trousers till I was in my 2nd year in the University.
So when I eventually had a boyfriend, it was hard for me to talk to my mum about man issues. The topic was almost sacred in my household. Until last year, when I was 23, that was when she started deciding I had won "man privileges". Now, I no dey hear word again. How ironic.
For her sake, I hope I marry sometime in this century. For her sake. And for the sake of my phone battery - so she doesn't run it down talking about the issue..