Falling In Love.....

This past weekend, I fell off while working out on a treadmill. Who does that? In the new spirit of exercising, I had decided to go to the gym last saturday. Unfortunately for me, I had mysteriously lost my earphones and so, I was without music. I believe music somehow makes working out more tolerable, for lack of a more appropriate word. Anyway, due to the absence of music and also because I was tired of looking at the fat woman with big boobies in the pool, I decided to close my eyes for just one second. I can’t even say I consciously took a decision to close my eyes, I probably did without thinking straight and before I knew it, I saw myself falling down on a moving treadmill. I hit my jaw, knee and bruised the back of my palm. Just one second. 2 days later, I still feel pains. When I got back home, I told my friends how falling off the treadmill was like falling in love.

You get on a treadmill and everything is fine as long as you keep your eyes OPEN! But the minute you decide to close your eyes to savour the moment or for whatever reason(s), you are headed for doom that very second. You meet a guy and everything is fine as long as you keep your eyes wide open. The second you decide to “slack” and start doing lovey lovey things and close your eyes to red flags (or whatever colour of flags), na so you go just fall and break ur jaw, head, teeth, heart and any other breakable thing in your body. When I shared this theory with them, they laughed at me and told me I was going insane for talking this kain rubbish because the thing no just make sense. Mscheww. So I have decided to write about it as I’m certain that my laptop will not call me mad.

These days, I am so cynical about men that even I, am indeed amazed. I haven’t always been like this though, although I have always had healthy traces of cynicism. But this one is getting out of hand according to my friend. She says I need to snap out of it because I have been in this haze for more than a year now. After the first few months of the haze, I did snap out of it when H & I got back together. Unfortunately our renewed relationship didn’t last for too long as it was series of heart wrenching events after another. And now, I have slipped back into that haze. Even farther than I did last year.

I no longer feel the pain that much. I just feel emptiness. Which is better sef, pain or emptiness? I think it’s better to feel empty than to feel all the pain that H put me through. Pain I allowed him put me through. Usually, I have details of his misdeeds, dates or periods they happened etc. But now, I’m just blank. Blank is the word. Yeah I still feel the occasional pangs but they are very few and far between. I listened to “our song” (Celine Dion’s I surrender) and I didn’t feel jack. To me, it was just another song. Scary. This was a song used to get me in bits. Am I becoming a cold person? Is that really necessary?

My friend tells me to loosen up and allow myself to meet other people. I am open to meeting people but everyone still thinks I’m not making any efforts. Wetin dem want me to do, really? A part of me wants to meet a tall, intelligent, good man with a wicked sense of humour. But a part of me isn’t just ready for all that crap. Right now, I’m just all about the job and the money. My immediate need is a fabulous job and not a man. Chei. I suddenly sound like one f those women...But the thing is, I really do mean it oh!

I wish we could go back to the old method employed by our grandparents and great-grandparents where they just have wives and husbands shipped to them...they didnt have to think about dating nor heart breaks back then! Things were a lot easier, weren't they!

Anyway, I hope it's just a phase though...

I Exercised Today, Yaaaayyyy!!

For the first time in yearsssss, I actually woke up by 5.30am this morning and went for a morning walk/run. I’ve been psyching myself for the past two years or so that I’ll start exercising….bla bla bla. Storyy!! Me wey like sleep like say tomorrow no dey. I didn’t even wake myself up per se. My friend’s flatmate did. When I heard him knock on my door and call out my name this morning, I thought to myself “this guy dey jones if he thinks I’ll stand up from this bed!”. As in, the sleep was soooo sweet, kai! I even think sleep is sweeter than sex. I was told that I hold that opinion because I haven’t had “any” in a whiiilllle (I have my chastity belt on in my process of re-virginisation, no be joke). Whether I have had any or not, I think sleep has got to be the sweetest thing, closely followed by chocolate cake, chai! All those people who put sex at the top of their list are what Warri people will call world people. I wish I knew what I know now about sex when I lost my virginity, I probably would have still been a virgin now! Anyway, it’s not too late, re-virginization does work, lol.

Anyway, as I was saying, I don’t know how I got myself to wake up and wear “canvass” and hit the road. But I was glad I did. We know God has made provision for healing for His children, but recently, I realized that God does not only heal through miracles. Yes, He performs signs and wonders every now and then. But at some other times, he has given us the tools we require for our healing in every aspect of our lives. Although, I’m referring to physical healing now. God has blessed us with so much to make us whole. I am increasingly beginning to realize the tremendous effects eating the right foods have on our bodies. A lot of us take what we eat for granted; and when we fall ill, cry to God to heal us. God has already made these amazing provisions for healing in the foods that he has so graciously provided us with.

Back when I was still a lekpa, I used to be a sucker for junk food! I could eat everything anytime and not feel any guilt or panic. If you looked up shawarma in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of me there eating shawarma! There was a time I ate it every single day. Those were my lekpa days sha. Now that my hips have become truthful and no longer lie, I didn’t need anyone to advise me to stop chopping anyhow. I admit, the initial reduction in my consumption of junk food stemmed from the fact that I didn’t wanna lose too much of my lekpa status and become an orobo. (I didn’t achieve that by the way, I am neither a lekpa nor an orobo. What does that make me? A Lek-Orob??) Lol. I have since realized that I can no longer be as lekpacious as before and I have made peace with that fact.

I have even gone off point from the point I was/am trying to make which is eating right!! At the rate this world is going, we find everything is now being pre-packaged and processed. Yes, it’s sweeter to go to Shop Rite and fill up your trolley with all sorts of processed foods but going to the market to buy fresh foods pays big time! Mehn these days, there is nothing they don’t package – from pounded yam to banga soup to anything you can think of! I’m pretty certain that our “fore-mothers” will be rolling with rage in their graves and wondering what happened to good ol’ pounding yam with mortar and pestle! What a lazy generation we are eh?

I think eating fruits is important. Everyone should eat a sensible portion of fruits every single day. Eating fresh vegetables is also very much advisable. For those of us who are coca-cola addicts, replace coke with orange juice or Nutri-C (if orange juice is too extreme for you). Replace sugar with honey. Replace groundnut oil with olive oil. Avoid fried foods. Avoid junk food like meatpies, burgers, donuts etc. We all have cravings for those things every now and then but consumption should be reduced to the barest minimum. I used to be a chocolate cake addict, still am sef! But these days I just run away from all temptation and appearances of evil! Thanks to a friend of mine, I now drink green tea instead of Sprite. And boy was I a spritaholic, kai! Green tea is high in anti-oxidants and according to what they say, it flushes yama yama from your body. Even rice sef, I try to run away from rice these days. Bassmatic rice is much better and has less starch in with and lower carbs. I try to run away from white bread as well and try to eat Wheat bread if I must have bread. Notice the multiple use of the word “try” oh! It simply means, I falter every now and then.  But @least, I’m much better than I used to be and I’m trusting God for complete healing as I go on, Amen!

And for the women, even the best skin care products can be gotten from natural plants and foods. Good examples are aloe vera, paw paw, honey, lime etc. U can grate carrots and use as a face mask! Thes natural foods work like magic on the skin. Lime and honey are simply greaaat!! Bcos these days ehn, all these chemicals wey dem dey put inside our lotions, cleansers, scrubs, toners and women tins, fear dey catch me to rub some of them!

And oh yeah, the reason I started this was because I exercised today (yaaaay!!). In addition to eating right, we should also try to complement that with regular exercising. I can’t say much about exercising because I am still a JJC in that regard. I pray for Grace to continue!!! It can only get better from here on..

But wait oh! See me talking about chastity, eating right and exercising. I really am beginning to feel old at my young age. But I like to console myself and call it “wisdom”. And I’m glad it’s coming now. I mean, what better time than now?!