Writing Aloud...

Mehn, today I heard a disturbing/funny/sad/partially surprising news. My cousin had a baby yesterday! Now, I haven’t seen her in a while so I didn’t even know she’d been preggers. Having a baby is a normal thing, you’d say except that my cousin is unmarried and atleast four years younger than I am. And I’m 23. (or 24 if I add this year). That makes her 19 (or 20 if I add this year). My younger sis who is also older than my cousin called to give me the gist and she said we were dulling in our (immediate) family. That is, nothing this dramatic ever happens in my house. We’re just boring people, I guess! Anyways, this technically makes my aunty a grandma! Coincidentally, my aunty also had her first baby at 16, 17 or some funny age. So I wonder, will she have any right(s) to be mad at her 20 year old who waited a little longer than she did? Hmm!

I spoke with my mum and she also just found out. Apparently, my aunty (her younger sis) hid the news from her. And I’m  wondering what’s going on in my mum’s head seeing as her “grand-maternal hormones” have been raging these days and she’s been singing marriage in my ear. The name of the song is “It Is Better To Marry Early”. 9ja Top 10. See me see wahala. Anyway, I hope she isn’t jealous of my aunt’s new grandmother status…lol. I joked that if I’d towed the line of my cousin, my kid will probably be in Primary 1 by now. My mother didn’t laugh. Lol.

My cousin life don get K-leg. Just like that. And that’s how the cookie crumbled. She refused to go to school, and blamed it on her inability to comprehend whatever was being taught. Whoever got her preggers obviously isn’t in any position to marry her. I’m sad for her. Sadder for the baby. Innocent baby.

And then, it got me back to thinking about “Unanswerable Questions”. Like some girl in my former office. Serious born again chic who married as a virgin. She attends Deeper Life. As in, no earrings, no make-up, no hair extensions type. She’s so cool, she’s the coolest deeper lifer I ever met. She doesn’t have any of that stuck-up attitude people like her usually have towards us “sinners” who fix our hair, wear trousers and rub lipstick. Anyway, she’s been married for a number of years but is still believing God for the fruit of the womb. In that same office, there’s an unmarried woman who has a kid and is presently heavily pregnant again. And I wonder what’s going through the cool deeper lifer’s head. Questions?

Questions that every now and then go through everybody’s(or at least mine!) minds. Situations that defy logic. Like now, here’s my lil cousin, she’s been blessed with the blessing of a child, without deserving it, without even wanting it. And yet, there are a million people who deserve it, who yearn for it, and more importantly, walk upright with God and yet, nothing….

I’m not asking….I’m just thinking writing aloud…..

42 Days of God's Faithfulness..

It's just been 42 days into 2011 and yet I feel God has done so much for me it's simply amazing. It may not seem like much to someone else, but to me, it's mega. And I realised, I dont have to wait till its 365 days to realise his awesomeness. I should acknowledge it every single day He gives me oxygen to breathe.

I want to thank God for preserving my life and for protection. I thank Him for overseeing my going out and coming in for the past 42 days. It may not seem like much abi? I've passed quite a number of accident scenes this year that happened on roads I pass through every day. Once I saw a car cut in half...

I thank God for journey mercies in all the plenty waka waka I have had to do this year (and will still do today). People have gotten into planes and never got out alive. People have gotten into cars and never got out alive. For journey mercies, I thank Him from the bottom of my heart.

A few weeks into the year, God averted was could have been a major fire disaster. I had just cooked indomie and decided to boil eggs. Because I know a watched pot never boils, I decided to go to my room and chill pending when the eggs boil. I was already out the kitchen door when I heard "boom!". And the next thing I saw was fire going up the ceiling. The pipe connecting the cooker to the gas cylinder had gone off...

I thank God the gas didnt explode. I thank God I was still around there when it pulled off...because if Id been in the room already, it would have been too late....I thank God we were able to pu out the fire on time..I thank God...

A few weeks into the year, robbers came visiting. I thank God that they stole material things and not human life. I thank God that I wasnt one of the robbers. I thank God we didnt have to take anyone to the hospital. I thank God we didnt have to cry over the loss of any life. I thank God...

I thank God for closure I have gotten from my past relationship. I thank God for removing the scales from my eyes before it was too late. I thank Him for the amazing strength He has given me.....

He has done so much for me, I cannot help but be blown away.

I have to go now, unfortunately. I go dey thank God dey go sha!

Thank God oh!!!

My Ex Boyfriend's Wedding

My ex-boyfriend got married today.

I had gotten a call from an amebo a week back telling me about it. I was in the middle of some financial calculations before the call came in, and immediately she told me, my brain froze for the next 20 seconds. After the call, I just sat there enjoying my brain freeze. lol.

And then, I went back to my calculations like nothing had happened. But for the rest of the day, I walked around with a huge headache. And then I got another call from some1 saying : "Congrats oh! I heard you guys FINALLY fixed a date". Silence. Click. Call ended. I dont know what got to me more - the fact that he was getting married or the person he was getting married to. I think it was the latter. I couldnt figure out why he'd decide to marry her.

I kept going over it and I just couldn't arrive at a logical conclusion. Then I called him. Prior to now, we hadn't really been on speaking terms for the past 3 months (apart from the Happy new year call). He didn't pick up. I sent him a text telling him to get back to me cos I needed to ask him something. He got back to me after a few hours but I decided I really didnt wanna know so I didnt take his calls. He kept calling repeatedly and I finally took his call the next day. I told him I'd wanted to get some info from his office (nose growing) but I'd already gotten it from somewhere else. We went on to gist like nothing ever happened - him telling me about his work pressures etc etc. It was a week to the wedding. He didnt tell me about it and I didnt indicate I knew.

Then about 3 days ago, he called. Told me it took him all the bravery in the world to initiate the call. Went into a long speech about me being the one person in the world he owes everything - explanation, respect, regard bla bla and then went on to say "I'm getting married". Oh well, I'd known for a week now so there was no jolt. After he told me who he was getting married to, I proceeded to ask the question Id been dying to ask - "Why her??"

And he goes "I dont know. I'm still in shock. I'm surprised. I'm confused"
And I go "ooooookaaaaaayyyyy and you are telling me this because??"
Him: "You are my best friend. You are the only one in the world who always has my back. I see you as my guardian angel. You are one person in the world who always tells me the truth no matter what. I still had your name as my password up until today. Bla bla bla"

And I'm rolling my eyes thinking: Now what?! There's a never-ending supply of drama with this guy.

Me: Is she pregnant?
Him: That's the first question everybody asks. No she isn't
Me: Abi she don jazz you...?
Him: Silence. All I feel is surprise. Maybe when I say "I do" it'll finally sink in
Me: Maybe
Him: Where are you? I need to see you
Me: I'm not in town (thank God). I moved to Abuja (because I had to run away from the madness we called our love, our seamless love)
Him: I really need to see you
Me: So that we'll start kissing abi? And then what? You'll call off your wedding? You know how me and you are - like two naked wires.
Him: Can you please attend the wedding?
Me: Are you for real?? (was tempted to say stupid). Sorry, I can't.
Him: Please just do it for me, it'll help me start the healing process (Imagine the nerve sha, chei, I don suffer)
Me: Sorry I cant. (Trying with all my might not to launch into a fierce verbal attack)
Him: It's funny, I'm getting married but I still love you. I'll always love you
Me: Do you love her?
Him: Kinda
Me: Yes or No
Him: Kinda. But I know I'll never love anyone half as much as I love you

(Very plenty talk talk, cant even type half of it)

Nna na wa o! Before my lonnnnng conversation with him, I was feeling pretty okay about the whole wedding thing. But after that, I couldnt stop thinking about it and just feeling sorry for him. What I feel is just pity, actually. Kai. How does life turn out so funny that the gr8est love of my life goes and marries sm1 else. I havent even been able to really like any1, not to talk of date. And he's getting married. Na wa sha. I guess I was just drinking panadol for another man's headache. A man I was willing to do anything and go anywhere for. Anyway..."was" being the operative word.

Anyway, I had the date emboldened in my head - 29th January. But surprisingly, I slept well last night, infact too well sef. I woke up feeling okay and I even forgot about it till later. Thought about it a bit and wondered if he'd said "I do". Half expected sm1 to call and say he didnt show up for the wedding or said "I cant" instead of "I do". I'm not paranoid, but it really is something he can do. He's weird like that. Igot about three "I-cant-believe-he-married-her-calls" and my response was "Well, he did".Today ended up being a pretty normal Saturday for me. I had a noice, long nap. Cleaned the kitchen with all my heart and soul. Finished Season 6 of Grey's Anatomy. Swore that if Derek died, I'd stop watching. And I meant it.

And now, I'm sitting here blogging. And I'm happy...Strange. In a calm way, I'm happy. And I have peace....

Everything Happens For A Reason....

Little notes from Rick Warren's "The Purpose-Driven Life":

"In order to keep us frrom being too attached to earth, God allows us to feel a significant amount of discontent and dissatisfaction with life - longings that will never be fulfilled on this side of eternity."

"When you fully comprehend that there is more to life than just here and now, you realise that life is just a preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently. You will start living in the light of eternity, and that will colour how you handle every relationship, task, situation etc. Suddenly, many activities, goals, and even problems that seemed so important will appear trivial and unworthy of your attention. The closer you live to God, the smaller everything else appears.."


There are certain things in life we constantly pray not to experience. Topmost on that list is pain. Nobody wants to have pain in their life. But try as we may, pray as we may, it is inevitable. It shows up at some point or the other, when we least expect it. Pain comes in different shades. We cry when we feel pain, we pray for it to go away. Pain isn't a pleasant thing.

But I don't think so. I think pain is a gift. I'm almost tempted to call it a good thing even. When we are sick, the first pointer is the pain we feel. This pain propels us to go for a test and/or take medication. Imagine what will happen if you lose the ability to feel pain. It just means you never know when you are healthy and when you arent. And if you cant feel pain, you wont know when to take steps to help you get better.

Yesterday, I watched a story of some man on Reality TV. He went to war in Vietnam and lost both legs in the process. That's an incredibly terrible thing - losing one's legs. He went through a "God-why-me" phase. He was a big believer in "ëverything happens for a reason" and so he desperately sought to find out what reason God could possibly have to take away his legs. He just couldn't rationalize it, there were no logical answers.

God's ways are not our ways. Sometimes, we try to stereotype God, trying to make Him fit into our own line of reasoning. Huge mistake. His ways aren't our ways. God has a reason for everything that happens. Sometimes, He lets us see it right away. Sometimes, He lets us wait a while and shows it to us long after we have forgotten. And other times, we don't even get to find out at all. He knows EVERYTHING.

Jeremiah 1:5 - "Ï knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born, I set you apart as my prophet to the nations"

Before we were even formed, He knew us. He knew the egg and the sperm that would bring us forth. Isn't that just mind-blowing? If He knows that, what makes us think He doesn't have a reason for allowing certain things happen to us. He knows.

The 2nd part says He has set us apart as prophets to the nations. Some people will say, "Well, that one is not my calling". Wrong. We are all purposed to be God's prophets. You dont have to own a church and shout with a microphone or megaphone to be qualified as a prophet. We all have a responsibility to let the world know about Jesus. Others can see Jesus through us if we let it. I don dey digress....

Back to my story...

The man without the legs sought to find out why God allowed him go through all that pain. Some time had passed, and he had probably even given up hope in getting answers from God. He was going through a newspaper when he saw a story of two Russian twins who had been abandoned after birth by their mother because they were born without legs. And he knew immediately. He knew that was the reason he lost his legs - so he could give life to those children.

He proceeded to adopt them as his children, got them prosthetic legs, and just generally provided them with a life they never would have had if he had left them in Russia. As at the time of the documentary, the kids were already about 9yrs old. I watched them ride a bike, swim, and do every other thing normal children could do and I just had tears in my eyes. They see Jesus through the eyes of the man who saved their life. Through the love and warmth gotten from their adopted family, they experience God's love.

If this man hadn't lost his legs in the war, chances of him even noticing the story of the legless children would have been next to none.

I have a friend who lost his mum a few years ago. He shocked me when he told me that God had a reason for letting his mum go. He was deeply affected and pained by the loss, of course. But after a while, he figured it was best for her to have gone at the time she had. She was a wonderful woman who was blameless and upright. But at some point, due to life's pressures, she was almost beginning to succumb to alternatives that God wouldn't have been pleased with. And it was at that point that God took her, just before she could have deviated....His level of acceptance was deep...and it shook me, albeit quietly.

God has a higher purpose for everything he permits to happen to us. We may never know that purpose directly. But just knowing that He never lets us handle more than we can bear is enough to comfort us. He knows everything. He sees everything. For each tear that He permits to fall from our eyes, there is a purpose...

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good, and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope..."

And now, to my all time favourite scripture:

Romans 8: 28 - Äll things worketh together for the good of they that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose".

Nothing beats that!! Absolutely nothing....

Thanking God..

Why do some people just feel like they are the only ones with problems in this life sef..?

Yesterday, I was feeling a little down and out (as is becoming alarmingly regular these days!) and I think I fell asleep chatting on yahoo messenger or reading a book or both. Dont quite remember.

The next time I was awake, it was to the sound of a loud thud and somebody shouting "Yeeeee!". I did not need to think and wonder what might be going on or where the sound might be coming from, or whatever else. I jumped and ran into my friend's room. The house was in pitch darkness.

And I said "something is going on" because at this point, I wasnt entirely sure what it was. Next thing I knew, I was on the floor head down by the side of the bed. Two extra people fell on me. My neck was in the most awkward position and I was pretty certain it was gonna break.

I was torn between destroying my neck and having the armed robbers deal with me for making noise. I chose the former.

Just a little over a month after we were attacked, these criminals struck again last night. Obviously better prepared this time. For some odd reason, I wasn't as scared as I'd have expected myself to be. In my mind, they were in already. It couldn't get much worse than this. Except they decide to shoot someone.

After what seemed like an eternity of threatening to shoot if we look, threatening to shoot if we dont bring the money, threatening to shoot for putting all the money in the bank and all the other threats, they finally left.

And then my shaking began. And cold. And fever. And excessive pissing.

And oh by the way, the Nigerian Police is absolutely useless. Let's not even go there.

After a couple of hours, I gathered courage to enter my room. My phones were gone, expectedly. My laptop was gone, expectedly. My babies. Those were my babies. They were there for me when no1 else ever was. Sadly, my laptop wasn't backed up.  Lesson One: Procrastination leads you nowhere. If you wanna do something, do it NOW. Backing up my laptop has been on my to-do list in forever.

Anyways, here I was thinking about the loss of all my personal documents, office documents and all my phone numbers, my one billion songs, one million pictures etc etc. Thank God I'm alive. Thank God we all are still alive. Thank God we didn't have to rush anybody to the hospital.

I have heard of cases of robberies that didn't last 3 minutes yet people didn't survive it. I have heard of a robbery where a pregnant woman was shot in her tummy for no apparent reason. I have heard of a robbery where a man was hit so hard with a gun that his eyeball fell out. Thank God we're alive. There's no logical explanation except for God's mercies. Thank God for making us invisible to them. Thank God for being our shield when we needed Him most.

If I was an oyibo woman, I for don dey do therapy by now. But for 9ja, we don't do shrinks. People never chop 3-square meals finish na shrink we go dey pursue?

As it got dark today, I began to feel uneasy. I need therapy. But the only therapy I have access to is Baba God. He alone will soothe my fears away. He alone can calm the raging storms. He alone giveth peace that defies all understanding.

Like the song they sang in church on tuesday:

You are God
All by Yourself
You alone
And no1 else
You are God all by Yourself
You are holy...


It's comforting to know that God doesn't require any1's help to be God. He is God all by Himself. It's comforting to know that he doesn't need to make any consultations before He shows Himself strong in our lives. He doesn't need any1's approval. Isn't that just awesome! All I have to do is remember this, and everything is ok....

Every new day from God is a blessing. It is a privilege. Don't ever take that for granted...

Things Change..

Was feeling a bit emotionally weak a couple of days ago. It came in little bits and pieces. I'm a happy person. And even though I can't altogether escape sadness forever, it's inevitable every now and then but I don't know how to remain sad for long.

But these bit and pieces sometimes get hard. And painful. And seemingly long.

Yesterday, my friend wrote something for me. I read it and I smiled. The kinda smile that comes from the heart and reaches the eyes. I needed to hear/read those words. I had a serious "Awww Moment". I read it and re-read it and it offered some level of comfort.

I thought I'd share, just incase there's any1 going thru any difficult situation(s). And I'm also "re-sharing" it for the person who wrote it.

This is from me back to you....

Things Change

Tears may come now, but you will smile again,
Pain will go away, wounds will heal again,
Scars may remain, but they can shape and mold you,
So don't try to hide who you are,
But then know who you will be.

The world is round true, but it turns, constantly,
Down you may be today, stars you will face tomorrow.
Seasons come and go but things never remain the same,
A season may bring pain this year, but then;
The same season, could bring joy on the next.

Treasure the times, treasure the moments,
They fly by, past and gone forever.
When it seems you can't hold it in,
Let it out slowly, don't hold it in,
Let it go surely and then move on.

Life is a journey, a life-long one,
Whether it be comfortable or uncomfortable,
Know this, it can get easier if u move on,
So, smile through the tears,
Laugh through the pain,
Find the little slices of joy,
So you can be as right as rain.
Hold the joy in and find warmth,
Laugh through the pain and know peace,
Know and remember all through this;
Things never ever stay the same.

Diminishing Importance of Christmas...?

When I was younger, Christmas day was very much a big deal. I was sure I was gonna get a new dress (which was usually one annoyin ball gown with puffed up sleeves and a belt behind to be worn with white socks and what we now call "Mary Janes"). I was assured of a new hairdo. I was sure my mother was atleast gonna buy one or two "live" chickens. I was sure they were gonna tie up christmas lights everywhere in the sitting room and place Xmas cards (old and new) on them. But wait sha, we were razz oh! Someone would give us a Christmas card in 1965 and we would still have it and use it to decorate the house in 1980! Chei!

Watching them kill the live chickens was always a delight for me (does that make me sound like a blood thirsty person?? Woreva jor!). After killing the chicken(s), we'd soak them in hot water to make the feathers soft and subsequently pluck out all the feathers one by one. It was so much fun for me doing all that. Enter 2010, tell me to do anything with a chicken (other than eat it :-D) and you wont even get a response, lol.

As recently as 2-3yrs ago, the town starts to get empty once it's 22nd December. On 25th December, you'd hardly see any cars on the road, churches were usually scanty because every1 would be in their village for Christmas. Everywhere would have a ghost-town feel to it and this also added to the appeal of the season; Even the harmattan added to it to give that special Xmas feeling.

Enter 2010. I went out this morning and I was amazed at the number of commercial activities going on. By the way, there was hardly ever any Harmattan this year, as a matter of fact, I have never seen such a harmatanless year since my mama born me! The jar of vaseline I bought in prepaation has just been wasting, maybe I should go back and demand a refund sef, abi?

As I was saying, when I went out this morning, I was blown away by the hustle and bustle. There were cars everywhere, people everywhere, buses everywhere. None of that ghost-town effect was there. Most shops were open for business. I saw about 150 open hair dressing salons, 300 boutiques, CD shops, Supermarkets, EVEN furniture shops were open. Na who wan buy chairs on Xmas day? Paint shops were open; who is gonna wanna paint on Xmas day? Markets were in full swing....people selling plantains, fruits, akara....Nothing was different...

It never used to be like this....atleast not on Xmas day gan gan...

And I'm wondering.....Is it that the value of Christmas is diminishing?? Or is that too many people are now too poor to be bothered? Rather than think of celebrating this special day, they think of how much sales they migh lose if they close shop today. Should they be blamed?

Someone might argue, it is a day to spend with family and just chill. But really, of what use is family time if they cant get decent meals to eat or decent shelter?

Or maybe, besides minimal funds, people are now scared to travel to their villages for fear of being kidnapped? Everybody is now a potential kidnap victim; whether you are rich or poor is inconsequential. Or maybe they are scared of travelling on roads that are now worse than ever before....or just maybe, they are scared of robbers on the road who increase per second largely due to the crazily high unemployment rate and/or an almost non-existent educational structure.....It gets worse in this country...

AND..... there was a bomb blast this morning in Jos. So while we're busy texting and calling to exchange greetings, some other are mourning the loss of loved ones, some others can't mourn, they can't text nor call, they lay somewhere unmoving, oblivious to the uniqueness of today....oblivious to the merriment....

I pray God gives the affected people the strength to bear their losses....My heart goes out to them...