On 2012

The last time I posted anything was 10 months ago and I could not possibly have let 2012 end without saying something. Anything!

This year has gone by incredibly fast, as most years do. I'm still waiting for a year I can say took its time.

This time last year, I prayed to atleast manage to find a real boyfriend. Strangely, that prayer wasn't exactly answered. I was given a husband instead. As I type sef, I still haven't gotten used to the fact that I'm now somebody's wife and mother-to-be.

A lot of times when I have to fill in my name, I still use my maiden name....I wonder how long these things usually take. For me, being married does not make me feel any much different. I am still very much my regular self. I even forget to wear my ring sometimes :D

Things that have changed:

1) I live in a much nicer house with a real kitchen and wi-fi (yay! :D)
2) I now eat like an uber glutton (I'd like that blame that on the pregnancy hormones....oh God I hope I go back to being normal after I have my baby)
3) I no longer answer phone calls like I'm a customer service agent (all the toasters have disappeared..power of marriage, huh!)
4) I now cook regularly......gone are the days of indomie and quaker oats diets. *sigh* I now cook foods that involve pounding cocoyam in a mortar with a pestle. Me???????!!!!!

Between untraditional me and my traditional Igbo boo, I guess we both had to find a balance!

I really don't remember much that happened this year......most of it has just been a blur...I'm blaming the hormones again.....the only things I remember are this baby who kicks the shit out of me every minute and  getting married to a very unusual and great man whom I had known all along but had "friend-zoned" because well, I just felt we couldn't be anything other than friends.

I shudder to think I almost missed him standing right in front of my small nose! I guess i"ll have to dedicate a full post to him :)

I Have a feeling I'm not being very comprehensible right now....it's the hormones..

Seriously though, I'm one of those lucky people who have zero pregnancy issues (minus gluttony) and for that, I am grateful.

I am grateful for so much. I married my friend. I made more money this year than I ever have in my life. I've been healthy, so have my family. I've been blessed with great in-laws. I was blessed by so many people this year, I can't even count. It was also a challenging year in a lot of regards but His blessings far outweigh whatever challenges there might have been.

"Sometimes, the only blessing you need to count is your heart beat"

So it doesn't matter what you gained or lost this year, being alive is ENOUGH to thank God :)

As we go into 2013, I'm praying I'll cultivate a deep relationship with God. I'm praying for Nigeria and honestly in my heart yearn for it to be a better country.

God bless us all :)

13th February

I cried yesterday. Twice.

I woke up in the morning and the first thing I did was check result of an exam I'd written in December. I was a bit nervous and had even dreamt about it that night. I quickly logged via my phone and the word "Pass" had NEVER looked so good.

I jumped and cried and yelled "Thank You Jesus". i had asked Him for a Pre-Valentine/Valentine gift and He gave it to me, as always. It was THE perfect gift :-)

Sometime during the day, I got a call from a friend and she told me "My dear, bad news...XXX has passed on". I held the phone to my ear in SHOCK and had huge balls of tears in my eyes.  I could not believe it.

Last time I'd seen her was in December, just before Xmas when I'd gone to their office to say hi. She was one of the sweetest human beings ever and just had a smile that could cheer just about anybody up. She couldn't have been more than 30.

She had gotten pregnant, after years of trying to conceive with her husband....and she had a miscarriage last saturday, lost too much blood....and that was it...she was gone. She is gone. Just like that. As I type this, I have a picture of her smiling and eating an apple stuck in my head. I can't get over it.

This life is too fragile. It's too easy for us to take each day we're alive for granted. It's too easy to get overwhelmed by challenges life constantly hurls our way. So easy that we lose track of how PRECIOUS life is.

And once again, I'm faced with these unanswered questions - Why do bad things happen to good people?

She was a devout Christian. Hardcore born again. Thread-plaiting, no make up, deeper life-attending young woman. No, those are not the things that really define our spirituality. But that's what sort of person she was. And beyond that, she was a GOOD person with a GOOD heart.

All i can feel is sadness and the last hug we shared.

All I can see is her smiling face, eating a green apple.

Why?

No, don't tell me. I guess we'll never know.


I came across a few words yesterday that touched my heart and I'll share:

"I can’t in good conscience promise that God will make the sun stand still every time you walk in audacious faith. Your faith does not control God—in fact, human faith on any scale can never put divine providence in your back pocket. That means that, sometimes, people you love will get sick and they won’t recover. You won’t achieve everything you attempt. You’ll have to absorb and manage some pain you didn’t create or invite or deserve. You’ll have days filled with frustration and misery.

Audacious faith does not guarantee a crisis-free life. But audacious faith does enable you to seize the opportunity to see God’s glory in the midst of every crisis in your life.

Even when—and maybe especially when—the sun goes down -- Steve Furtick"

It's A New Year

2011 came and went by so fast. The last half of the year especially went by like a flash of lightening! At the beginning of 2011, I wrote down my goals for the year and by God's grace, I achieved almost everything. The only thing I didn't do was get a boyfriend/husband. I have given that one a special extension :-D

All in all, it was a very fulfilling year for me. A year of focus. A year devoid of emotional distractions, for the most part!

Spiritually though, I have to honestly confess that I went down the scale....thank God I have realised/identified that. That's the first step to making it better.

I thank God for the gift of life, for good health, for family, for friends, for favours that left me wide-eyed for months. Too much to thank Him for.

I spent Xmas and New Year with my family and took  3 days in between to attend a carnival. And I had sooooooo much fun! It was a good holiday, summarily.

Sometime in between my holiday, I ran into my ex-boyfriend. I hadn't seen him in over a year. We had a looooong discussion and I was all the happier for it. And all the while we were talking, I couldn't stop looking at him and wondering why l had loved him so much. And then it hit me - it was the way he loved me. There was something about the way he loved me. It was too special. Unfortunately, the love wasn't true because during the storms, a monster came out. I was happy to realise that I didn't love him anymore but that l'll always value what we had together and will always see it as a great lesson in love and life.

So, I'm back to my spinster's life. Hello Fuel Subsidy! You have been on my mind all week. The only times I didn't think of you, I was thinking of Boko Haram.

I have had so many discussions and arguments about the Govt's decision to remove fuel subsidy. Let me not start. I'll dedicate a full post to that.

Hello 2012, I pray you bring better days for Nigerians.